Let's start with my favorite picture of my 4 roomies, and introducing the new little Madeline!
In my last post, I was just about to start my new chemo, Taxotere. Even though the end was in sight, these last 3 treatments were the hardest on me. Since they were every other week, I had to go back on the Neulasta patch, aka the bane of my existence. Body aches were worse than ever. My acid reflux finally kicked in, and I would cough so bad that I would throw up multiple times in the night even though I wasn't nauseas. However, I finally hit the milestone I was waiting so anxiously on! FINAL CHEMO!
The treatment room was busier than ever, so besides feeling bad for waking one sleeping guy up when I rang the bell, I got tons of claps and cheers and it made me tear up! My lovely chemo nurses also all came over and gave me big hugs and I just felt really special :) Since Layne had had my BEAUTIFUL baby niece Madeline the day before and was across the street in the hospital, she wasn't able to come to my final session, but luckily I had our friend Jess with us to take pictures and videos and FaceTime with Layne as I rang the bell!
For the last week and a half, I've been dealing with a lovely (aka hideous) rash on my face and issues with my eyes, a lovely parting gift from my last chemo session. After 2 different doctor appointments yesterday to deal with it, I essentially learned my gland that produces tears is working in overdrive, leaving me with tears constantly running down my face (and having to explain to strangers that no, I'm not crying and yes, I'm okay) as well as the duct in the bottom portion of my eye/eyelids are clogged and I may need to get drains put in...ugh. Hopefully this gets resolved from the meds they gave me so it won't resort to that, but we will see!
Not Happy
Eyes nearly swollen shut
Eye actually swollen shut
The bigger (and more pressing, I suppose) news is about my double (also known as bilateral) mastectomy. The original plan was to get my mastectomy and reconstruction done in New Orleans from the same surgeon who did my mom's . I even had a surgery date scheduled! However, with 2 babies at home and Layne unable to travel with me, AND the fact that I would have to stay in New Orleans for multiple weeks post-surgery, it made me reconsider and start looking in to surgeons here who could do the same procedure, as there are only a handful in the country who could do the specific type of reconstruction I am wanting. This type, know as DIEP flap, essentially takes fat from your belly (or other parts of your body if need be) and reconstructs your breasts out of this fat instead of the use of implants.
Anyway, I found that there are 2 surgeons at the Mayo Clinic in Scottsdale who are able to do this procedure, so I set up a consultation so hopefully I could get it done here. The day, however, did not go as I had hoped it would. I first met with the general surgeon, Dr. Pockaj (pronounced Podge-kai) who will be doing the mastectomy. She let me know that I was not a candidate for a mastectomy and immediate reconstruction (meaning they would do both in one surgery) because I will be needing radiation. I was confused, because everything I had been told up to this point had led me to believe that I would be able to get reconstruction before radiation. She didn't do a great job explaining the "why" of it all to me, so I had a mini-breakdown after the consultation, which I had to quickly pull together because I also had a mammogram and an ultrasound back to back . After these tests, I then had my consultation with Dr. Mahabir, the plastic surgeon who would do my reconstruction. Side note: he is my McDreamy. Holy Hell. #dibbs. ANYWAY, I expressed my confusion with not being able to do the immediate reconstruction, and he explained that with radiation, the breast often shrinks, and with how intense the DIEP reconstruction is, if it were to shrink from the radiation, there would be no way to fix it (I know its more scientific than that, but just bear with me). So, he proposed that I would have the mastectomy, and an implant-based reconstruction so I would atleast have SOMETHING, and then a few months after I finish radiation, he would go back in and remove the implants and do the DIEP procedure and everything would be perfect! I agreed this was a compromise I could live with, and we then moved forward so he could examine me. But then, of course, my dreams were shattered once again.
Upon seeing this one area of necrosis on my breast, he unfortunately told me that I am not a candidate for immediate reconstruction of any kind.
After this completely scabbed over and fell off, I now just have a scar, but once Dr. Mahabir saw it (and I showed him these pictures), he said that because there was cancer present in the skin, they have no choice but to remove it, meaning I will only be having the bilateral mastectomy. I got upset because of course this was not the news I was hoping for, but he assured me this way there is no risk of leaving any cancer behind and that, ultimately, is the goal. So, the new and official plan is:
May 1: Bilateral mastectomy. I will be completely flat and/or concave, depending on how much of my pectoral muscle they will need to remove (because the cancer has spread to there as well)
June: Begin radiation--7 weeks, 5 days a week
6-12 Months after radiation ends: Reconstruction (finally!)
I am still adjusting to life without hair, and the majority of my sadness/anxiety over this new plan stems from the fact that I started growing boobs and got my first period when I was 10 years old. I don't remember what its like to be flat! I know things will be fine, but it will be a new adjustment period after the surgery for sure. But hey, I am starting to get some peach fuzz on my head! #progress
I think that is all for now! I'm sure I will have a ton of pictures posted from the surgery, and possibly if you are lucky, a great video of me coming out of anesthesia... ;)
Love you all!
xoxo,
Kristen
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