Finally time for a long, overdue blog update! Part of the reason why I haven't written in awhile is because things seemed to have slowed down for awhile and there was nothing new to talk about, and part of it was because I've been so busy! :) However, this update will be filled with a ton of information and (sometimes graphic) pictures, so I hope you are ready!
Chemo: As mentioned in my previous post, after my surgery in May, I was told I needed to get more chemo due to the cancer they found during surgery. This chemo, called Carboplaten, was a new one for me, and overall I handled it better than any of my others! Gotta save the best for last, right?! Thankfully with this one, I did not lose my hair, which has started to grow back (more on that in a bit), I did not have any nausea or sickness, and I actually had energy! It was amazing. The biggest downside of Carbo, for me at least, was how it messed up my counts. I showed up for two of my three chemos only to find out that I would not be getting treatment that day. The first time it was because my white blood cells were too low, which meant more of the bane of my existence, aka Neulasta, which makes your body produce more bone marrow to create the white blood cells and it is super painful. yay. The second time, which was on the day I was supposed to have my final chemo, was because my platelets were too low. Platelets are the part of your blood that makes it clot. Since this chemo was scheduled the week before I was supposed to start work, I tried my hardest to fight my doctors and let them allow me to get treatment that day. A normal platelet range is 150,000-500,000. Mine was 59,000! So they more or less said if I got treatment that day, and the chemo would lower my count even further, I could have severe internal bleeding that would cause me to be hospitalized. Since I was already way over being in the hospital, I decided I'd be a good patient and listen to them and wait a week go get my final treatment!
I know I already posted a few pictures, but here is a collage of 9 of the 12 of my chemo sessions :)
Healing From Surgery: Besides having massive scars, you don't realize what an intense surgery a mastectomy is until you are recovering from it. While I briefly talked about the first few weeks of healing in my last post, I did not fully grasp how long of a recovery process it would actually be.
I went to physical therapy 1-2 times per week to work on getting my strength back by stretching out my chest and shoulder muscles, as well as exercises/massages that (tried to) help stave off lymphedema, otherwise known as lymphatic fluid building up in your limbs. This physical therapy lasted for about 7 weeks in total, and even after that I was mostly restricted on the amount of weight I was allowed to carry. For the most part, I have the majority of my strength back, but every now and then there is some sort of internal pull that I feel (usually when I'm trying to lift too much, haha) so then I know I need to tone it down a bit. At one point, I *slightly* opened up my incision by doing too much...oops.
Many people have asked me if I still have any feeling left in my chest aka non-boobs. It is sort of hard to describe...you know when you go to the dentist and they numb you for a filling, and then the rest of the day you are pushing on your cheek with you finger and you know you are touching it but you really can't feel it? That's my new normal for my chest, haha. The reason for this is because of all of the nerves that were cut out during surgery. I may regain some more feeling over time, but certainly not like it was pre-surgery.
As far as adjusting to life without breasts, it's mostly a day by day process. Of course there are the perks, such as no boob sweat! No need to wear a bra! Backless dresses and shirts are now able to be worn! But then there are the down sides, aka mostly feeling uncomfortable in my own skin. My clothes fit differently, I feel wider, and (especially when I am not wearing a wig) I do not feel feminine and beautiful. I know that it is temporary, and I will get my reconstruction surgery soon enough, but it is still a battle most days :) SPEAKING OF! In my last post, I think I described my meeting with the plastic surgeon, in which he said I would not be able to get my reconstruction surgery until about a year AFTER I finish radiation. However, after meeting with my radiologist two weeks ago, he said if I continue to heal as well as I am and handle radiation like a champ (which I will, obviously) then he is optimistic that I will be able to get my reconstruction in December over winter break! *hallelujah* I was SO excited to finally get some luck that was swinging my way!
Radiation: After what feels like waiting for forever, I have finally started radiation! So, I've had 12 rounds of chemo, AND a double mastectomy, so why in the world would I need even more treatment?! Well, the answer is pretty simple: I do not want to ever have to go through this fucking process ever again :) I think we can all agree Layne and I have dealt with enough cancer, don't you?! With our family history, my chances of recurrence (aka cancer coming back) is about 40%, even with all of the treatment I've done so far. With radiation, however, that number decreases to less than 5%. As tired as I am of treatment, this is a no brainer.
The radiation process is simple enough: I go in 5 days a week, for 7 weeks, to get treatment. Each session lasts about 3 minutes, but it takes about 15 by the time I get in there, change in to my gown, they get it set up for me, etc etc. During my first appointment, I got 5 teeny tiny tattoos (as do all radiation patients) that tell the techs my specific parameters for how I am to be lined up with the machine. Literally they are so small that one of my students asked to see one and I couldn't even find it.
Once you are in there, you lie down on the table and put your arms behind your head so they can align you properly. When it begins, the machine slowly moves around you to deliver the radiation.
It doesn't hurt at all, and you can't even see it happening...it is more or less like getting an x-ray! Once a week (on Fridays) I see my radiologist to check in for progress and he can do an examination.
While I have only just begun treatment, I am quickly starting to see/feel side effects. The biggest, without question, is fatigue. Because the radiation kills cells (both cancer and regular), your body is working hard to repair the cells that have been lost, leaving you exhausted. Unfortunately, they said that this will get worse as treatment goes on, but will be done as soon as I am through with radiation. The other side effect that I am beginning to develop is "radiation burn" which is more or less a sunburn...without the sun. As of right now I am a slight pink, but they said to expect it to become worse the further in to treatment I go. I can combat this with lotions and things like that, and like the fatigue it will go away, but I am keeping my fingers crossed that it does not get too bad. As I was doing my research about radiation and what to expect, I thought to myself, "Oh, I should look up pictures of radiation burn so I can adjust my expectations! How proactive of me!" Here's a tip: DO NOT GOOGLE RADIATION BURN PICTURES. Of course, these results are the worst of the worst, but oh my god I wanted to cry.
Random Life Updates: I've moved out of Layne and Aaron's house in to my own apartment which I happily share with my two puppies! It is right across from the TopGolf in Gilbert :)
Teaching at Williams Field High School is the most amazing thing. I love 10th grade, I love the students here, I love my fellow English teachers, I love the administration...everything is just the way I wanted it to be! I am also coaching Freshman girls' volleyball and am having the time of my life. As I had to postpone my original trip to Australia (which was supposed to be in January) because of my diagnosis/starting treatment, I am happy to announce that I have gotten the go-ahead from my doctors and will be traveling down under during fall break, and spending 2 glorious weeks exploring and seeing my friends that I met last year! I am literally counting down the days already because I am so excited...My last day of radiation is September 28th and I am leaving the night of September 29th :)
Aaaaaaaand final update...I got a new wig the other day #treatyoself
Life is good.
xoxo,
Kristen
